mary

Well, we’re packing up to move. We’re not going to New Jersey as planned. Micheal’s employer decided they wouldn’t need him as long as expected, so he’s looking for another job. He has several prospects that are all in the midwest and the southeast so we’re heading to Arkansas to stay with my Dad til things are finalized.rnrnI’m hoping I can keep to my diet while on the road. That’s always hardest. But, I’m not gonna fret about it. If I can’t keep to it 100%, I’ll just pick up again when we get settled.rnrnMeanwhile, I’ll have computer access along the way, and will still do an occasional journal entry and return e-mails.

Well, another weekend has come and gone. And so has a final trip up north to visit family before we head back east. I didn’t stick to my diet 100%. I did go over my set 1500 calorie limit, but I stayed below 2000, so I think that’s pretty good. My ultimate plan is to use a range of 1500 to 2000, but to try to stay at the lower end of that. That is working better than trying to stay at or below 1500 all the time. This way I don’t feel quite so guilty if I end up in the upper range and I feel a lot more successful if I can stay at the lower range. I think this has much more reasonable expectations.rnrnI tend to beat myself up if I fail at something. I set my goals too high, or limit myself too strictly. I need to try to ease up on myself a little, and I’m trying to do just that.

Hopefully I’m back on course. I didn’t do too bad this weekend. Micheal and I went grocery shopping Saturday and I stocked up on stuff that’s good for me and low in calories. And, I made my own salad dressing that’s as good as what you get in restaurants, but half the calories of store-bought. That will entice me to eat more salads.rnrnMicheal has realized that I am determined to lose some of this weight and he’s doing things now to encourage me. That will be a help. He wasn’t sabotaging my diets before, but he wasn’t doing anything to encourage it or support me. But now he is and that will make a big difference.

Well, I spent the day yesterday out shopping. And, I took lunch to Micheal. Stupid me, I didn’t even stick to my diet. I had an Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit for breakfast, (480 Cals) Arby’s Market Fresh BLT (780 cals.) and large curly fries (630 cals) That’s a total of 1890 calories. Then I had homemade spaghetti for dinner. That was only 450 calories, but it put me 840 calories over my limit. I just can’t seem to control my eating. rnrnThere, I admited it. The only problem with me losing weight is I can’t control my eating. The reason I’m fat is because I can’t control my eating. I eat too dam much and I can’t stop. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, I always end up sabotaging myself. Then I get depressed and eat more. I admit that I’m fat because I can’t quit eating and I guess that’s just how it’s going to be.rnrn

I’m still doing ok. Since I don’t have a scale, I decided to use measurements to see if counting calories is doing any good. rnrnI’ve been staying on course with my diet. I’m staying well within my calorie allowance and even having some calorie ‘leftovers’. And I’m learning how to portion out food to get the correct calories counts. Sometimes I do have Lean Cuisine or something of that nature, but not all the time the way I started out.rnrnDon’t know what the future holds as far as where or when we’ll be moving. It will definitely be by the end of April, but most likely before. Micheal is looking for a permanent position. He said he’s ready to settle down and get a place of our own. We’re both leaning toward the midwest or the east coast. We kinda like the slower pace of life out there as compared to Los Angeles. He was offered a short-term position around here, but asked for some time to think about it. If nothing else comes up by the time this job ends, he’ll take it, but only til something else comes along. I’m kinda looking forward to us getting a place of our own, preferably out in the country.

I got the message. Several people have told me that I should reconsider having surgery. To be honest, that’s something that I just don’t think I can do. That statement was made while I was having a "pity party". I know a lot of people have had great success with gastric bypass, but I also how dangerous the surgery can be. I’m gonna keep on with counting calories and play the waiting game. With the reduction in calories I’ve got to see some results eventually.rnrnThanks to everybody for the support.

I’ve made a change in my diet. I cut my calories back to 1500. I don’t have access to a scale to weigh myself, but I’m not noticing any difference in the way my clothes fit or anything. So maybe I’m still eating too much. If I have to I’ll cut all the way back to 1000 calories or less.rnrnI haven’t been cheating. I’ve been staying well within the limits I’ve set for myself, but it’s always like this. I go on diets and it doesn’t do any good. If I don’t get some of this weight off within the next 2-3 months, I’m gonna schedule an appointment to see about surgery.

Well, I’m still working on staying within my calorie range. I don’t seem to be eating any less than what I was before I started counting calories. According to all my research, I need to be eating about 3000 calories a day to maintain my current weight, and a decrease of 350 calories a day to lose 1-2 pounds a week. I’m eating 2000 a day or less, and it seems as though I’m eating as much as before. Maybe unconsciously I was eating more. I don’t know. Maybe I was (and still am) just in denial. That’s probably more like it. But, I do make sure that I am accurate in the calories and portion size. And, I may even be over-estimating them. If that’s so, I’m eating even fewer calories.rnrnAnyway, I don’t have my scale here (it’s in storage in North Carolina) so I don’t really know if I’ve lost anything or not. I guess I’ll be able to tell in time. But I’m going to keep on keeping on.rnrnWe just found out that we won’t be going to New Jersey the first of April. They decided they have too many people in that position, so Micheal will be let go the end of April. He’s actively looking for another job, and has several prospects. We do know that we want to go back to the East Coast, or at least the Mid West.

Well, I’m still working on staying within my calorie range. I don’t seem to be eating any less than what I was before I started counting calories. According to all my research, I need to be eating about 3000 calories a day to maintain my current weight, and a decrease of 350 calories a day to lose 1-2 pounds a week. I’m eating 2000 a day or less, and it seems as though I’m eating as much as before. Maybe unconsciously I was eating more. I don’t know. Maybe I was (and still am) just in denial. That’s probably more like it. But, I do make sure that I am accurate in the calories and portion size. And, I may even be over-estimating them. If that’s so, I’m eating even fewer calories.rnrnAnyway, I don’t have my scale here (it’s in storage in North Carolina) so I don’t really know if I’ve lost anything or not. I guess I’ll be able to tell in time. But I’m going to keep on keeping on.rnrnWe just found out that we won’t be going to New Jersey the first of April. They decided they have too many people in that position, so Micheal will be let go the end of April. He’s actively looking for another job, and has several prospects. We do know that we want to go back to the East Coast, or at least the Mid West.

It was good to see the grandkids, but I’m glad to be home, even if it is a hotel room. I didn’t cheat too bad. Actually, I did pretty good. I did go over my calorie limit, but I’d stayed enough under during the past week that it all averaged out in the end. Now if I can just keep it up. I had problems with my knee all weekend, and that won’t quit til I get some of the weight off. But I did manage to go without my cane and that’s a good thing.