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That’s right, every day is a new beginning.  Boy, is it ever!!! 

Before I say anything else, I want to thank my dear, sweet buddies for all your kind words and also for the kicks in the butt.   I needed all of it. 

Is it obvious I don’t handle being alone as well as I pretend to?  Yup, I thought so.  But I now know that I am going to have to take EVERYTHING one day at a time.  I have to get up each and every morning and tell myself that, no matter what happened yesterday, today is a new day, and I have to make choices based on today only.

So, I got up this morning, talked to my Sweetheart on the phone, had a bowl of Raisin Bran, then took a shower.    I spent a lot of the morning on here reading the comments you all made on yesterday’s blog, and having a good bawl.  Yeah, a GOOD bawl.  They were good tears.  Because your comments made me realize that, even though I’m sitting here all alone right now, I’m not alone.  I literally have dozens of friends I can send messages to, and some I can call if I get too lonely, or feel out of control.  And believe me, I’m gonna take advantage of all of that.

I pulled my patterns out and did some measuring to see if there is any way I can make them work.  At the moment there isn’t.  But, by the time I reach my mini-goal, I should be able to alter them enough to make those outfits.  And in the meantime, I have plenty of other things to do to keep myself occupied.

Well, for lunch I had a couple of turkey dogs and 2 poached eggs.  I’m gonna have some more fish and salad for dinner.

And right now, I’m gonna go take the trash can to the curb and check my mailbox.  When I get back in I’m gonna read blogs and wait and see if any  and come knocking at my door.

And remember:  Don’t let a little slip ruin your trip!!!

 Ok, so here’s the skinny.  I’m fat.  I mean, I’m not just overweight,  I’m FAT!!!  When I started this journey I weighed in at 360 lbs.  I’m down to 332, a loss of 28 lbs.  Yeah, it’s a loss, but I’m still fat.

I can no longer wear clothes from Wally World.  Well, I can wear the men’s size 3X t-shirts, but that’s it.  I have to go to specialty shops to buy clothes.  And I think you know what most of those clothes look like.  Most of them are ‘old lady’ clothes.  Yeah, I’m an old lady, but I don’t feel old enough to be wearing ‘old lady’ clothes.  But not Lane Bryant, you say?  Lane Bryant clothes are too small for me, unless I order them from the catalogue.  And then only the “old lady” clothes come in my size.  Even my jeans had to be special ordered.

I’ve told you that I’d gotten material and patterns to make a couple of outfits.  Well, I’d got the largest sized pattens they had.  I took my measurements and compared them to the ones on the patterns, and in order to make them fit, I’m gonna have to add 13 inches to the hip area!  And that’s not accounting for what I’d have to add to the waist and bust!  Now, if any of you have done any sewing, you know that is not very easily done.  As a matter of fact, it’s next to impossible.  If it was a matter of adding, say 6 inches, that would be do-able.  but 13?  So, I’m gonna have to put my patterns away til I get some more of this weight off.  I do have one dress that I designed that I may be able to make using only Pinny.  So I’m gonna go ahead and try that one.  So I’m not giving up.  I won’t guarantee what it will look like.  It may go straight to the scrap bag when I get done.  But I’m gonna try, anyway.

I know this blog sounds like a bunch of negativity..like I’m giving up.  No…HELL NO!!!!  This is a reality check.  I just have to regroup and revise my plans.  It just convinces me even more that I have to get this weight off.

I am absolutely the biggest hypocrite there is.  I got on here the other day and talked about honesty…about how all of us get on here and we’re bare-bones honest with each other, even though we don’t have to be.  Well, I haven’t been totally honest.  I haven’t even been slightly honest.  Since Micheal has been gone, I’ve gone off the deep end.  One night I ordered a large pizza, and ate 2/3 of it by myself.  Three or four times I’ve gone through the drive thru’s at fats (no, I didn’t misspell that) food burger joints and ordered double cheeseburgers and fries.  I’ve been eating constantly most every day.  I have been totally out of control.  I guess talking about being honest the other day was me wrestling with my conscience.

But that’s all over.  My conscience won the fight.  Luckily I only gained 2 pounds since my last weigh-in (at that time there was no change from the one before).  Just think what the scale would have said if I’d stayed within my points and eaten the way I should have.  I did buy what I said I did at the grocery store yesterday.  So hopefully that proves that I want to do the right thing.  And I know that THIS HAS GOT TO STOP, right now!!!

Ok, I’ve been on the right track today.  I admit I didn’t eat any breakfast this morning.  I slept late, and shortly after I woke up, Cheryl got here to clean.  It was after 1:00 before she finished and left, but I did eat lunch then.  I had 2 Ball Park turkey franks at 1 point each, and 2 slices of Kroger brand high fiber bread that is 1 point for 2 slices.  And I had some pork ‘n beans.  That was a total of 10 points.  So far that’s been it.  I’m gonna broil some fish for dinner and have a salad with it.  That will be good for about 10 points.  That will leave me with about 12 points left over.  But at most, I may have some fat-free cottage cheese with pineapple for dessert.

And I have been guzzling my Crystal Lite lemonade.  How much I’ve been drinking is one thing I have been honest about.

My Dear Buddies, I owe you all the biggest apology possible.  I had no right to deceive you like that.  It was totally uncalled for.  Everybody on here has been brutally honest.  And I’m nothing but a liar.  You’ve all done nothing but give me encouragement.  And I’ve paid you back with deception and lies.  There is totally no excuse for it, except stupidity.  And I do humbly beg your forgiveness, even though I don’t even deserve it.

With all that said, I’m gonna shut my big fat mouth and go read blogs.

And remember:  Don’t let a little slip ruin your trip!!!!  (Boy does that ever apply here!!!)

Well, I got up this morning at 6:00 and, down in the recliner and went back to sleep!!  But I didn’t go to bed til 2:30 this morning.  I have trouble getting into bed since Micheal’s been gone.  It’s probably because it’s so danged empty without him!!!

So, I woke back up about 8:30, got dressed and when grocery shopping…yeah, on an empty stomach.  But I did ok.  I got some fresh fish, veggies, fat-free cottage cheese, fat-free hot dogs, grapes, and pineapple.  And I got some Light Lays and fat-free French Onion dip for when I get the munchies.  So I’m gonna eat well for the next few days.  I even got some more Crystal Lite lemonade.  I just put a little ice in my 32 ounce mug, fill it with the lemonade and start sipping….no, make that slurping!!!  With the lemonade I know I’ll get my water in.

After I got home I did some cleaning.  I don’t know why.  My housekeeper is coming tomorrow.  Now does that make sense?  She hasn’t been in a couple of weeks and I don’t want her to think I’m a total slob!!  But it’s only been light cleaning, and a little rearranging.  I had a bunch of stuff spread out on my table and I needed to clear it so I could put my sewing machine on it.  I’ll leave the stuff like , sweeping, mopping and to Cheryl.  Sounds mean, but that’s what Micheal pays her for!!

And I have been sewing.  I bought a caftan when we were in Chicago.  I never try stuff on before I buy it.  The caftan ended up being a bit snug, and since it was on clearance, I couldn’t take it back, so I just finished altering it, and it fits great.  The good thing about a caftan is, as I lose weight and it gets looser, who cares!!

I had been procrastinating about the sewing.  I needed an extension cord to plug my machine in (there just aren’t enough outlets in here) and I had to dig through a bunch of stuff in Micheal’s office to find one.  And I needed the whole table to work on, but I had paperwork scattered all over it.  So I had to get through that mess and get it filed, shredded or tossed as was appropriate.  Fun, fun, fun.

But now I don’t have any excuses.  I got my caftan altered and now I’m ready to work on one of my other outfits.

So, let’s see…I didn’t have breakfast, as I’ve already mentioned.  I had a fat-free for lunch and I’m gonna have  and a salad for dinner.

I’m gonna spend the rest of the day going between watching TV and sewing.

And yes, Hillary, I love these little Smileys and stuff!!!  I can only use them when I’m using The Beast.  My laptop locks up if I try to use them on there.  It doesn’t have the power that The Beast does!!!

And remember:  Don’t let a little slip (or in Angie’s case, sip  ) ruin your trip!!!

It’s been another cold, windy day.  We had gusts up to 50 mph!!   But at least it didn’t rain.

I went to the mall, which was a big mistake.  There were so many people there, it wasn’t even funny.  I had to park in the back 40!  If I hadn’t had to get some air filtes from Sears, I’d   have   said forget it!!  I’ll bet I walked a quarter mile just going from the truck to the store, and that was fighting the wind, both ways!  Then when I got into the store, what I wanted was just about as far away from the doors I went in as you could get.  So I got my air filters then started walking around the mall.  But I didn’t go far before I pooped out.  I guess walking against that wind just took the wind out of me!!

So, I stopped on the way home and got a steak burger.   I’d only had a small bowl of Raisin Bran  for breakfast several hours before, so I knew I’d be ok.  And I just finished eating a steak, some sweet peas and a salad.  I’m working on my second 32 oz. mug of Crystal Lite Lemonade, so I’m doing good.  I even have a few points leftover if I wanna have a snack later, but I probably won’t do that.  But I may have a glass or two of wine or a margarita.

And I’m gonna spend the rest of my evening watching movies and messing around on here!!

I hope everybody has a wonderful evening.

And remember:  Don’t let a little slip ruin your trip!!!

It’s been another rainy, windy, cold, dreary day here.  But I did get out.  I had to find a UPS office to send some paperwork to Micheal.  I guess the company forgot they sent him to Minneapolis cuz they sent him some paperwork he needed, but they sent it here instead of there.  So I got to go ship it to him, next day express.

So anyway while I was out, I went shopping.  I didn’t spend much…less than $20, but I got out and walked.  As a matter of fact, I spent more than an hour in Wally World, and I found myself walking a bit faster than I normally do!   So that was a good thing.

I’ve been good and haven’t binged today.  I had some Raisin Bran for breakfast and a turkey sub from Subway for lunch.  Now I just have to decide what I’m gonna have for dinner.  That will probably be a salad with shrimp.  I hate cooking for just me.

I was commenting on a buddie’s blog earlier today and started thinking.  You know, it would be so easy to get on here and tell everybody what they want to hear.  We could say we’re doing great, eating right, drinking all our water and getting lots and lots of exercise, whether we do or not.  We could really make ourselves look good.  But we don’t.

So, here we are, by most people’s standards, perfect strangers.  And yet we pour our hearts out to each other.  We tell our inner most feelings.  We reveal our faults and failures.  We don’t have to do it, but we do.  We’ve created such a tight-knit community, and we’ve all become such good friends, that we wouldn’t dream of trying to deceive each other.  If I were to do that, I’d feel just as guilty as if it had been Micheal I was trying to deceive.  And yeah, a lot of our friends and family wouldn’t understand that.

But it’s what keeps us going.  And that’s a good thing, no matter what outsiders may say or think.

Now, I want to wish everybody a wonderful weekend…

And remember:  Don’t let a little slip ruin your trip!!!

Oh what a day!!  It’s raining, it’s cold, and it’s windy.  In general,  it’s nasty out there.  And I’ve been very lethargic.  But I’ve been staying in where it’s nice and warm.  I was chilly earlier, so I sat down in the recliner, kicked back and pulled my afghan up over me…and immediately went to sleep!!

I haven’t had the gumption to get up and do much.  I straightened up my desk, and took care of some paperwork, but that’s about it.

Micheal called this afternoon (the 4th time today so far).  As the plans go right now, when he comes home on the 4th, I’m going back with him on the 5th to spend the last 2 weeks with him on that job.  And I’m gonna go shopping…at The Mall of America!!  That’s supposed to be the biggest mall in the states!  That’s gonna get me a lot of walking in!!  But they say it’s fantastic.  The guy Micheal is working with is from Virginia.  He’s going there to buy a pair of tennis shoes, just so he can say he’s been there!

I’m gonna have to get off my butt and get on with sewing.  I need my new outfit to take to Minneapolis with me.  Maybe Micheal will take me somewhere special so I can wear it!!

Well, the diets going ok.  This morning was weigh-in and I’m still where I was last week.  I got discouraged and went on a little binge.  But I got it under control.

Nikki & Rosa, don’t worry about the charms for my bracelet.  I won’t make it to 300 by New Years Day.  When I started this challenge I was gonna have to lose 3 lbs a week to get there.  It’s been 3 weeks and I’ve lost a total of 3 lbs.  I had 35 lbs to lose in 9 weeks.  That’s now almost 4 lbs a week.  I just don’t think that’s doable.  No, I’m not gonna quit.  I’m still gonna keep on, and lose what I can.  But I knew I was shooting at the moon when I started this.  The fact that I can’t get enough exercise is making things harder for me.

But I’m taking heart in the fact that, I’ve been recording my weight on here, and sticking to my diet somewhat consistantly, for over 5 months and during that time I’ve lost 28 lbs.  In the past I’d have already given up, started a new diet and given up on that one by now.  So I’m not quiting, just facing facts, and resolving to get as much off by New Years Eve as I can.

I can’t give up.  I’m afraid of what might happen if I do.  Every time I’ve ever given up on a diet, I’ve always gained back all that I lost and more.  I weighed 360 lbs when I started recording my weight on here.  If I give up, I’ll most likely end up at over 400 lbs.  I’m afraid that would be the end of me.  So I can’t quit.  I just have to keep on, no matter what.  I have to remember not to let a little slip ruin my trip.  And I’m not gonna.  For once, I’m determined to get this weight off.  Even if it’s only a couple of pounds a month.  It will take a whole lot longer that way, but I am gonna do it.

But I’m gonna definitely have to have the support of my Buddies.  Cuz I sure can’t do it alone.

And remember:  Don’t let a little slip ruin your trip!!! (I’m not gonna!)

Well, it’s day 2 without my Micheal.  He called a little while ago and said he won’t be home until the 3rd or 4th.  Then he’ll fly back out on the 5th and be gone til the 17th.  I knew it was gonna be like this when he took the job, but that doesn’t make it any easier.  I’ll get used to it after the first couple of weeks.  And I will be able to go with him.  I just wasn’t feeling up to it this time.  Maybe I’ll go back with him on the 5th.  But I’ll be sure to take my laptop with me if I do.

I made a lazy day of it.  I didn’t go to bed til 2:30 this morning.  But I was up before 7.  And I just haven’t felt like doing much of anything.  So, I’ve been on the computer, read a little bit, watched some TV and did a bunch of Kakuro puzzles.  At least I exercised my mind!!

When I got up and looked outside this morning, at first I thought it had snowed.  But it was just a very heavy layer of frost on everything.  But the wind had died down to nothing and by 1:00 the temp was up to 52 degrees.

I had Ambrosia for breakfast, an egg sandwich for lunch and a turkey sub for dinner.  And I’ve had all my water.

And remember:  Don’t let a little slip ruin your trip!!!

Well, he’s gone.  Micheal left this morning for Minneapolis, and I miss him.  I missed him the minute he pulled out of the driveway.  I love my “me time”, but I miss my Micheal!!!  But it’s ok.  He’ll be back Saturday morning.

So, I consoled myself after he left.  NO, not with food!!  I went shopping!!!!  I went and got a couple of patterns and some material.  One of the patterns is this cute knee length flowing jacket.  It has a pattern for a tank top and gauchos with it, but I’m gonna make the gauchos ankle length, and with fuller legs.  The gauchos and tank are gonna be in a teal green knit, and the jacket is gonna be in a lacy material in just a slightly lighter shade.  And I got enough of an aqua material to make a dress.  Anyway, I’ve got enough to keep me busy for a while.

And I was a good girl today.  I had Ambrosia for breakfast…a yummy source for protein, dairy and fruit.  For lunch I had grilled fish, carrots and beans.  And I’m having a 6 in. Subway turkey sub for dinner.  I’ve already gotten all my water in.  And I did a lot of walking.  So I’m doing ok.

Well, I’m doing ok except for being LONELY!!!!!!!  Hmmmmm…I wonder what kind of special something I can cook up for Saturday when Micheal gets home??

It’s been a busy, busy day.  We’ve already been to do laundry and get groceries.  I called the credit card company Friday to get Micheal a card on one of my accounts (it has a much larger credit line than any of his).  They charged me $20 so I would have it the next day.  Well, it’s Monday and we don’t have the card yet, so I called them to find out what was going on.  Well, it was shipped, but they don’t know where it is, so they canceled it and marked it as ‘lost or stolen’.  The trouble is, they canceled the one I already had, too, so now we can’t use it until the replacements come and that won’t be for another week!!!  Now isn’t that just about par for the course?  Instead of tracking the shipment (they sent it UPS), they just canceled both cards and left us without completely!  At least they credited the $20 fee back to my account!

And that’s how my day has been going.  I’ve either been out at the grocery store or laundromat running around or on the phone running my mouth.  So I have been getting in a LOT of exercise.

It’s been spitting snow all day.  The high temp was 38 degrees but the windchill was 31.  It’s been a beautiful day!!!  I sure hope tomorrow’s better.

And I’m not even through yet!.  I made me some fruit salad this afternoon (cottage cheese, mandarin oranges, apples, orange jello & pineapple).  I need to get in there and start dinner.  And I still have to make Micheal some buckeyes to take to Minneapolis with him (me and my big mouth…thanks Erika!!! LOL!!!).  So I guess I need to get up off my rear and get busy.

Hope everybody has a wonderful evening.

And remember:  Don’t let a little slip ruin your trip!!!

Today has been one of those days.  It’s been absolutely nasty outside, and the forecast is calling for snow tomorrow night!!!  Yuck!!!  Guess that’s what comes with living in northern Indiana!!  But I’m trying to keep warm.  I have my sweats on, and my afghan is laying here beside me.  I don’t want to pull it up over me just yet though.  I tend to doze of when I do that (I already did twice this afternoon).  I think I’m coming down with a cold or something, but I sure hope not.  So I’m just gonna take it easy and take care of myself.

Haven’t eaten much today.  I had a cheese omelet for breakfast (brunch actually) made with low-fat cheddar.  And Micheal ordered pizza for dinner.  I ate a couple of slices, but it didn’t throw me over my points cuz I’ve not had a lot today.  I have been drinking my water along with some hot apple cider.

I’m looking forward to having some “me time” this week, but I’m gonna miss Micheal terribly.  I hate being alone!!  Next week, if the weather isn’t too awfully bad, I might load up and go to Dad’s for a couple of days.  I haven’t decided yet.  I’ll have to think about that one.

Well, I’m gonna get off here a while and watch Extreme Home Makeover.

And Remember:  Don’t let a little slip ruin your trip!!!